Love
My sister brought up a very good topic in her blog and it has got my brain churning. Is love a conditional thing or not? I think it is. I feel as if love is something that everyone will experience at least, twice if you are truly lucky. I can say that the only love I have ever experienced, besides my family and friends, is from Matt. Some people might say that what I felt for Jon and hell I might have said the same thing before Matt and I ever happened (again). My feelings for Jon are nowhere near as deep as my feelings for Matt are. I don't mean to say that in a mean way, but it's true. Matt makes me happier in one day than Jon could have in a life time.I never could quite understand this until I opened my eyes and saw it. Yes that sounds so corny of me but hell it's true. And everyone knows that I can't help but speak what is on my mind. I was just born like that I guess. But back to the conditional love. I think that there is two kinds of love. And they are conditional and unconditional. And they both are expressed at some point in life. One we won't realize we are expressing (conditional) and the other we will always express for as long as God allows us to grace ourselves here on Earth (unconditional). Some people who read this on purpose or just stumble along it may think "What does some 18 year old girl know about love?" Well for those who are wondering, I know just a little bit more about love than my age lets off. I watched both of my sisters date while I was growing up and thought that boys were evil things. I learned about love not only through years of break up and listening to Lisa and Mandie, but I learned some hard lessons all on my own. I never understood my sisters when they would tell me to be careful with love as a child. But now I not only understand, I think I might understand it a little more than they do. Keep in mind I said might.....
4 Comments:
I know what you mean about comparing feelings for jon and matt. I loved toby but he couldnt have made me happy as james did. Sure james and I only really met in person one time. But in that time it was as if we had always been with each other. It was very comfortable and extremely happy. I dont remember a single time I was that happy in the four years I was with toby. Yet in four months with james I smiled, laughed and loved way more. You had an advantage being able to observe with lisa and I. But I just got lisas brand of it. So not that it was harder or that I know any less than you. I just didnt observe as much. The only love that has ever been given to me with out any reserve was with james. That lasted the entire time we knew each other. I still love him dearly. Im sure he still does too but I dont ask it of him. The only love ever given freely to me has been Kevin. But its not a romantic love. Its the unconditional, I will kick your ass if you do that again, I will pick you up when you fall, stand in harms way if you need me, and always be your shoulder to cry on kind of love. But not romantic in any sense. I just hope you can take something from our weird relationship as well as the failed ones of my past.
I know you and Kevin have one wierd ass relationship. But hell you guys have one of the most solid relationships I have ever seen. It helps me sometimes when I wonder what will happen to Matt and I if something was to break us up. Of course I don't want that, but I gotta look out for my little ole' heart. And I understand what you mean about the Toby/James thing. Sure Matt has had alot longer to know what I like and dislike, but he and Jon spent an equal amount of time around me so I think that they had a fair game. But I still stand by the fact that I am so much happier with Matt than I ever was with Jon.
No I fear James will always have my heart. But Kevin will always be my guy to run to that cant hurt me because we arent that way. He has more potential and could do it faster than anyone though if he wanted. Kevin knows me best.
You will always have that feeling that James still has your heart, because he will always have a piece of it. The size just depends on you...
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