Feelings of Confusion
Ok I talked to Jon yesterday. He left basic this morning and he wrote me an email that made me think about everything I had with him. I am now in the process of second guessing whether or not I am really over him. I know I still love him. But I don't know to what extent anymore. I know I don't want to get back together but what if I was to want that later on in life? I am so confused as to what I really feel for him anymore...It is driving me nuts but at the same time I am relieved that he finally told me what he was feeling. At least I'm not wondering anymore. All I know that the one thing I am left wondering on is has he finally let me go. I find it so hard to move on entirely not knowing if he has let me go. I'm so ready to move on but until I feel like he has, I don't know if I really can move on. But I am really ready to finally close that door.
3 Comments:
I know what you mean. Actually this fits perfect with a conversation that mom and I had tonight. I said that if one day years down the road Toby grew up and we were to be together again it might happen. But mom made a good point. Most of the time the shit comes right back in some way or another. There are rare occurances where it works but not often. Live and dont let anything hold you back. Oh and you are right. I am not gonna let that little detail bug me. It makes that person more human and I am still interested despite the slight error in judgement. I love you.
Yeah you are right. I just want Jon to let me go so I can really move on and not have an elephant in the room with me every time I go out on a date or something. Not that I am going out on dates or anything...And I told you not to let that detail bug you. It will come out into the open when the time is right. Just give it some time and you'll be able to know (officially).
Welp I dont think that detail is bothering me. Actually I find it quite interesting. You know the good girls like the bad guys kind of thing. But I am afraid I may have lost him. I havent heard from him in a week. So I dont know what is going on. But I am still extremely attracted to him. He is just so much more that I ever dared to dream of and that does scare me. Oh man I hope I havent run him off.
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