The End

The time for this to end has come,
But I don't want to let you go.
Although my heart knows it isn't right anymore,
My head refuses to accept it.
I met someone else to change my heads point of view,
Yet my heart still leans to you.

As the days go by,
My head starts agreeing with my heart more and more.
It pains me to let something so amazing pass like the wind,
Yet I know deep down that our paths are totally different and we are reading different books when it comes to our lives.

I have learned through my military training that I have to just let go,
And I have more pressing matters at hand to deal with.
But I want you to know that even though I show no signs of pain , guilt, or remorse,
I feel them when I wake up,
When I take off my uniform,
And when I go to bed at night.

Never doubt that I loved you,
Because I always will.

Catching Up

It has been a few weeks since I last posted on here but I have been busy adjusting to my new life here in North Carolina. So much has happened that I honestly do not know where to begin. For starters, Matt and I are on a break. It has been in effect for about 2 weeks now. I stepped back and saw that I needed to make sure that I wasn't doing the wrong thing with him and I. I don't want to stay with him and 10 years from now regret it. Matt wasn't too thrilled about it but hell what was I supposed to do? Lie to myself and continue fighting with him everyday and every time I talked to him? But anyways we are still dating but at the same time we aren't. We are allowed to see other people while I am figuring things out. Seems kinda stupid yes but I think it will do us some good. I got asked out on a date the other day and he is encouring me to go out with the guy but I don't know. I like him and all but I also have a thing for one of the guys I have hung out since like day 5 here at Shady J (Seymour Johnson to all you people not in the know). His name is Phil and he is an A1C. We have flirted ALOT with each other and kissed a couple times (ok more than a couple but hey I can lie a little...). I really like being around him. He is a really sweet guy and makes me laugh. I feel comfortable when I am within his presence. I can open up to him and we relate in alot of things, especially in our career field. I guess it is easier for me to be myself around him sometimes too because of the fact we both are in the Air Force. I hate to say this, but I find it very hard to be my military self around civilians because they just don't seem to understand me as an Airman. But not many people will understand me because of my job. Oh well I love what I do so that is all that counts.
Anyways for even better news, I put on my first stripe in December. Yeah!!! I am so proud and at the same time it doesn't feel like I am coming up on 6 months in this crazy ass life I lead in the Air Force. I have a bunch of friends here already, but mostly hang out with Gary, and Phil. Lately I have been hanging out with the people from my FTAC class. They are all crazy but I love them all anyways.
Alright well I just wanted to drop a couple of lines in here and let everyone know that I am alive and kicking. Love yall!!