Having the no boyfriend blues...
I miss having a boyfriend. I really do. But I am too scared to put my ass out there and meet someone who I could actually have a relationship with. I don't know what is wrong with me but I feel like I have lost my taste for relationships. I feel so vulnerable everytime I go out. My friend Danielle wanted me to go with her to Pampa and meet her boyfriend. I think she really wanted me to go because her boyfriend had a friend he wanted me to meet. When I was informed of this, I was immediately turned away from this. I didn't really wanna go to Pampa anyway but I don't want to get set up. It has been almost 2 months since Jon and I broke up and I still don't want to get set up or give out my number or anything dating related. Yeah I gave out my number twice but nothing came of either of those. I just excepted the fact that I am not ready for another relationship right now but lately I have missed having a boyfriend. I have missed having someone to hug and kiss and hold hands with. I miss everything that goes with relationships. I feel this tiny bit of emptyness when I see a couple or when I hear about friends and there crushes. I don't have either of those. And I don't have anyone crushing or wanting to date me. Or at least not that I am aware of. Allie thinks I like this guy she likes but I don't. I think he is a great guy and that he likes her. But I don't think she believes me. I think it would be nice to have a guy like me and me like him in return, without him turning all wierd on me. Or vice versa. But until then, I think I will settle for Saturday nights at home watching reruns of Sex and the City.
1 Comments:
Jeeze I know how you feel. I miss Toby so much it literally hurts. I miss all the little things. I even miss us fighting. I feel like one of my best friends died along with our relationship. I miss the not having to worry if I will have a date. I miss not worrying about holidays because I know I will have some one I love there. I am dreading the holidays, Christmas most of all. I will not only not have some one I love dearly. I will not have my family. Every time I get to missing Toby I want to sit in a corner and cry. Im not sure how I am living. Every time some one asks how I am doing since hes gone, I say I live one day at a time, put one foot in front of the other and breathe each breath one at a time. I know that sounds corny. But its how I have been living since July 21st. I dont know when or how but I know this hurt has to end at some point. I miss my friend and the love and companionship. Eventually though I believe that life will start again for me. I know it will for you too. You cant ask that section of your life to disappear. I know I cant make four years go away in the blink of an eye. Move at your own pace to the beat of your own drummer, no one elses. I love you.
Post a Comment
<< Home