The last few days

So much has happened lately. Tuesday I gave blood for the first time. I tell you, I thought I had experienced pain but I guess I never had until the nurse had to move the needle while in my arm to get the bood moving into the bag. Holy crap that shit hurt! I swear I can tell you how long my vein is. Because pain was shooting up and down that vein all afternoon after I gave blood. But the nurses were really nice about it and told me everything they were doing before they did it so its not as if they suprized me by doing that. I may have a huge ass bruise on my inner left arm, but it really doesn't matter to me. I got to give blood, which was something I have always wanted to do. Despite my fear of needles I should say.
I didn't go to school today because I didn't feel good. But I also wasn't feeling good yesterday either. I literally slept all afternoon and night. I think I woke up for about 10 minutes and that was long enough to take some medicine and make me some ice water. I think Daddy is pissed off at me because I didn't go to school but he can bite me. I wasn't about to go to school and possibly get sicker. But I'm feeling better now. I love nyquil...always makes me feel better... But in a way, it didn't make me feel better. I got another letter from Jon today. I didn't write about his first letter because I wanted to forget about it. But I can't because of his second letter. At first I wasn't going to read it but I thought that I should. So I did. BIG MISTAKE!! At first, the letter was telling me about boot camp, how he's been, blah blah blah. Then he started telling me how he missed certain things about me and listed them. Grrr....but it get even better. He was saying that he knows we could never work out because of the distance but he still thinks about me and wanted to know if I ever thought of him because if I do, then he needs to know that way he can get over me. I don't know how that is relavent to his getting over me but whatever. Then right before he ended the letter, he says, (I will quote this shit) "Hope, I miss you. And if you haven't figured it out, I still love you. Jon" WHAT THE FLYING FUCK!!! I am so tired of dancing around trying not to be in a world of hurt because of him. Everytime I think I am taking steps to be over him, he does this shit and I take twice the amount of steps backward that I took forward! I want him to leave me alone so I can move on with my life, but obviously I am not going to get what I want. As usual of course. Mark thinks I should tell him to leave me alone if that's what I really want, but I can't do that. I know exactly what Jon would do. He would continually pursue me until I either gave him a good reason to leave me alone or he got me back. And I swear on my Nana, I will not go back to him. I deserve so much better but I can't seem to move on because I have been so damaged by him. Everytime I start to talk to a guy, I secretly hope that he just wants to be friends because I am so scared to get into another relationship. I don't feel like many guys out there really deserve me. One day I'll find that guy but I really don't know if I want too. I think I have given up on love. Maybe I have met the guy for me, maybe I haven't. But I personally could careless.