Venting...

My brother gets on my ever loving nerves!!! He is living here, free of rent and is taking advantage of that like none other. He doesn't clean up after himself (the entire house looks like a pig pen because he has all his shit strewn all over it), practically refuses to help out with bills, groceries (which he eats just about all of), or help keep this house clean. Instead, he fucking sleeps all day, spends his money of stupid ass movies and video games, and bitches about everything. I personally want him out of the house because he isn't doing shit to contribute around here. Hell he's so damn lazy around here he can't even flush the damn toilet after himself!!! Every damn time I go into the bathroom after him, I always flush the toilet because he can't seem to lift his finger that high enough to do so. And recently he has been talking about quitting his job. If he does, he had better either have another job or get the fuck out. I will not live with him if he is gonna continue to free load off of Dad when he has no job! And I have barely anytime now to get a job and I'm about to have to get a job. Just so I can help out around here. We barely have any money for things that we need. And then Dad says I have to get all my senior stuff because I will regret it later. But where's the money gonna come from if Dad is jobless? I sure as hell will not take any money from my family. Especially from my mother. She is so transparent in my life that I feel like sometimes I should just give up and realize that I am no longer the blood child but the step-child. Mandie, I know you are reading this and it may upset you but that's how I feel. I don't buy into the crap about how she never knows when I am home. She can still pick up the phone and call. She calls you. I feel like she has resented me ever since I moved out my freshman year. I have felt like this my entire high school career but never said anything because I was too afraid because I didn't want to cause yet another fight in this family. I hate it when Mom decides to play the mommy-role. It's mostly because she never plays it. It seems like she only plays it when it will benefit her. Not because she wants to. I just don't know anymore. I don't even feel like I have a mom anymore. Its like I have one every now and then. Hell and that's like next to never. I dunno. I guess its hard for me to take money from someone who is hardly there for me. I can't take anything from anyone because I had to hang out with all the guys and build this guy type pride and now I don't even think I would take something from God if it was given to me directly from God himself. I hate being poor...