Breaking Up

Well it happened. Jon and I broke up. And this time we both knew it was happening and totally agreed on it. I didn't want to be with someone who thought of me as shallow and a cheater and he didn't want to be the guy who he was becoming. Distance is hard, especially with relationships. You begin to see sides of you that you never knew exisisted. I was at the point in my relationship where I wasn't happy anymore. I felt as if I was in a room with hundreds of people and I was screaming at the top of my lungs that I wasn't happy, only to realize that I had no voice so therefore nobody could hear me. I was starting to feel like my relationship had become more work than I could handle. I was losing sleep at night it was getting so bad. And I knew that once sleep came into play (or I should say not into play), I knew it was going to end. Jon and I are on two totally different paths when it comes to relationships. He knows that one day he wants to settle down and get married. I don't know if I want that right now. I can barely committ to a shampoo or hair color, much less a man. He needs someone who wants the same things and I need someone who I can truly open up to. I never asked to be the way I am in relationships. I just am. Nobody can be too cautious with their heart I say. And I would rather be that cautious old grandma than get hurt all the time. I have been down the road of hurt and I didn't like it. One day I will find a guy who I can not only trust enough to open up to fully, but I will find the guy who will change my whole thoughts on marriage and love. Maybe I have met him, and maybe I have to go find him later on in life. But I do know one thing that is for sure. And that is when I do find him, I'll just know and finally break my walls down so I can be with him.