Talking to Jon

I want to talk to him, but I don't know if my heart can take it. Its unclear to me which is worse: not talking to him because I am scared of what he might say or not talking to him because I don't know if I will have words. I saw his name on my messenger and it made me lose my breath. I know that its going to be a possibility that when I get online he will be on too but this just caught me off guard. I almost thought I might get sick because I just got this wierd feeling. Like my judgement day with him has come. I still have a hard time thinking about not being his girlfriend. I saw one of my guy friends yesterday up at the park who I have always liked, but I didn't see anything. I mean sure he is a cute guy and we kissed once (very innocent kiss might I add) but I still had that mentality that I was in a serious relationship. I know its only been a week but it seems as if my heart won't stop breaking. I wish I had a time machine so I can make everything right. I hate how I am feeling and I can't imagine what he is going through. I think this is the only time I have ever wanted to be comforted. But the only person I want to comfort me is him. I know that I shouldn't want that but I do. I still have the urges to call him and tell him I love him. I know I'm not supposed to love him but I do.
I know that getting over him is going to be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. And if I know me (which I do pretty well), it will be a long time before I put myself back into the "dating scene". And that's ok for me. The only question is, will I put myself out there? Only time will tell.